URGENT ASSISTANCE

I'm getting a new strain of spam every few hours now, with a decidedly different flavor from the usual afrospam, which reads like that game called 'Ad-libs' that we used to play at parties back in the day. One person asks you to think of adjectives, nouns or other parts of speech, fills your answers into a paragraph you can't see, then reads the whole thing out loud including your answers, to create a completed story that makes everyone howl with laughter.

Dear (affectionate salutatory name). I am writing to you personally on behalf of my (type of relative), formerly head of (name of military or government branch) in (name of African country). Just before the unfortunate (name of some tragedy or upheaval) that took his life, he entrusted me with (large amount of money) which I now must deposit into an American bank. I ask your assistance in this urgent matter, because our mutual friends have confided in me that you are totally trustworthy. Once the money has been deposited in your account, I will give you (percentage) which comes to (amount of money over 1 million dollars) cash as your fee for this noble assistance...

You get the idea.

I used to collect afrospams, but I've gotten so many hundreds, or maybe thousands, that I just hit delete and go about my business. But now there's a new spam scam whose chief amusement factor is the wildly improbable name of the sender, obviously generated at random. At least they make me laugh while I'm hitting the delete button. I've started a running list of these fine names, in case one of you out there is with child and needs a monniker for the new tyke. Those baby name books are all alike, but here, HERE are some NAMES:

Shriveling Q. Opportunism
Penny V. Spartan
Goatee K. Marat
Nutritionist P. Christ
Adult D. Spore
Malevolence S. Weatherizing
Holly Apologia
Tad Bacon
Outbursting S. Overdressed
Sunburning D. Minx
Breeziest L. Fawn
Redid U. Lodged
Solidifying O. Boardroom
Hereby L. Skivvied  
Oppressed T. McDonnell
Leathernecks B. Funicular
Walloped B. Clot
Junkyard I. Hubbub
Elvis Eckert
Phoebe Salinas
Minnie Finch
Wrongdoer B. Conks
Bora Storey
Ruby Tulip

Oddly, Ruby Tulip turned out to be email from a friend. Oops. My favorite, and it was a tough choice, is Tad Bacon. I think this would be an excellent name for a gigolo or a character in a John Waters movie. Maybe he could date Breeziest Fawn, but quickly drop her for Sunburning Minx. Perhaps he'd get mixed up with Junkyard 'Junky' Hubbub and do some hard time, only to find salvation through the gentle ministrations of Minnie Finch. The possibilities, like spam, are endless.