burnout

Yikes, for someone who likes to write, it's sure been a long time since I've posted.

I meant to write about the baby whale that washed up on the beach a couple of weeks ago. Nine months old, fifty feet long. She was a blue whale, and every part of her was a sculptural masterpiece. Seeing her made me really wistful and sad, and I couldn't really put my finger on why, but it just seemed very tragic. The ecological implications are pretty scary. Lots of death rolls onto that beach, sea lions, huge moonfish, pelicans and lesser birds, but this was the first time in about twenty years a whale has come ashore.

It's Sunday night, the last night of nine days of vacation, and I have to say, I'm still feeling burnt out.

I'm getting really tired and cranky trying to be a good teacher and getting stifled at every turn by inane paperwork and the need to raise money to furnish my lab with basic equipment. I would have to say those two things each take up about a third of all the time I spend working, leaving only a third of my energy to try and keep up with my field, which is changing like wildfire. That's obscene.

This week's paperwork is a portfolio the state wants of special lesson plans and case studies specifically designed to help non-native English speakers in my class. I have none. And they have to be detailed to a preposterous degree, cite chapter and verse about what state standards they address, yada yada yada. AND I HAVE NO STUDENTS TO APPLY THEM TO!!

Meanwhile, I desperately need to write tests for my real students and grade their work so they get feedback on how they're doing in my classes. But no, I have no time for that now. This is so typical.

And my lab computers are old and need replacing, and it's up to me to figure out how to fund this, and buy video equipment for a class of 26 kids who currently have three cameras. It's just too much. I'm going to start looking for other jobs. I want to teach.

Sorry, this isn't much fun to read. Like I said, I'm burnt toast. The comic relief is my funny little, OK, not-so-little anymore puppy, who now weighs in at over forty pounds. She is very obviously part bulldog of some sort, and she's looking more and more like a sumo wrestler. Her antics are just the antidote I need to the mountain of paperwork.

OK, more when I can be a bit more positive and upbeat, and find my sense of humor, wherever I put it.