Purple Heart, er, I mean teaching credential

In a quiet, anti-climactic moment, I opened the manilla envelope that arrived in the mail and found my professional clear teaching credential. The official one is an ugly thing on green patterned safety paper, and looks something like an over-sized check. Also enclosed was a fancy-schmancy, suitable-for-framing one, with swirly borders and faux calligraphic writing.

If I had designed it, it would have looked a bit different, to reflect its real significance. It would have looked like it was crumpled into a ball and then smoothed out again, spattered with blood, LOTS of blood, torn, dog-eared, bullet holes through it. There would have to be a soundtrack too. Maybe it could have one of those little pull-strings on it like they put on the backs of talking dolls, and when you pulled it, it could speak edu-babble words like, "Hegemony, paradigm, rubric, authentic assessment, standards, AAaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggggg!"